Month: February 2024

Brain Fog and Other Ailments

Jonathan Cloud

Not to focus on my health — which I always found annoying of older adults — but my condition, call it “brain fog,” or “chronic fatigue,” or “hypersomnia,” really is getting worse, and interfering with my productivity on every front. Is it psychosomatic? Extensive blood tests reveal nothing abnormal except a slightly elevated level of creatinine, which is a sign of weakened kidney function, but is too slight to be the cause.

Hence the psychological angle. Whatever the cause, it’s all too real. And it’s certainly accompanied by the feeling that I simply do not want to do what I’m doing, pretty much whatever that is — listening to people, reading, doing the bookkeeping, etc. I just want to go to sleep every couple of hours, except at night, when I can hardly get to sleep at all. The classic symptoms of narcolepsy, except that’s genetic, and my condition is not.

Hilda, v. 2

Jonathan Cloud

Hilda Cloud, my mother, has been the greatest influence on my life. She was a single mom (though she hated the word “mom,” and had me call her Hilda from my youngest age). She wanted me to be her equal, and as a result I had a fairly independent childhood. She followed Dr. Spock, but went beyond him in the extent of freedom she allowed me. At the same time she was always my role model. Fiercely independent herself, she aligned herself with the downtrodden and dispossessed, not only as a fervent socialist, but also in her choice of profession as a tenant-rights advocate in Washington, D.C. Later in life she joined the Gray Panthers, and testified before Congress. She was also a strong atheist and did not attempt to hide it. She felt the entire realm of spirituality was bogus, that religion was indeed the opium of the people, and that human morality should be based on fairness not on faith. Her heroes were Susan B. Anthony, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Rosa Parks, and she made sure I knew their stories. As I look back, it was the foundation of humanism and social justice that she bequeathed to me, though she understood my true passion was for the environment. I’m not sure she fully understood the connection between the two, but she understood oppression, and social injustice, and stood up against them wherever and whenever she could.

The thing that most surprises people about her? That she worked undercover for the FBI during the period leading up to the war, identifying the conduits for Nazi literature and stopping its attempts at  widespread distribution.

This is perhaps somewhat embellished, about Susan B. Anthony, etc., or my always considering her a role model. But it’s otherwise true, and reflects my feelings about her today.